Loving Self Care
I received some beautiful responses from my first blog post, so thank you to those who gave me feedback and your interest to hear more :)
A question that I often get is “how do I love myself more”? Or “How can I incorporate self care more regularly”?
Those that know me intimately, know that if you stop by my house unannounced I am likely running around in only panties with a face & hair mask on, sitting on my yoni steam seat, doing a coffee enema, doing yoga, or giving myself a foot scrub. *Ah-hem* While I am responding to emails, prepping for a workshop, sewing, or in a zoom meeting. These little rituals that have become so a part of my daily routine, I barely think of it as “self care” it’s just what I am doing all of the time. Maybe it’s the Aries in me that has to be doing/accomplishing 1,000 things on the daily- so I am constantly thinking how I can enhance the mundane everyday tasks & priorities I have. In my mind, no better way than to be tending to my wellness.
But the real self care in is when I show up to my therapy appointments, call my mom, volunteer at the women’s shelter, take deep breaths, & stare at the tops of trees rather than social media.
Because practices like these that American culture has capitalized on as “self care,” has become a niche industry. Don’t get me wrong, I could spend most of my days at a Japanese bath house, but I’d like to highlight something: self care does not only look like a group of able bodied women sitting in a steam room with cucumbers on their eyes. Self Care does not need to cost money, be pretty, or trapped in consumerism.
So the answer to how can you love yourself more is: I cannot answer that.
Because I don’t know what you need. But you can ask yourself this question. Hand on your heart, a deep breath, and a genuine loving inquiry to yourself; “what do I need?”
As a (cis)gendered woman, I carry the lifetime of burdens of beauty standards, body shame, sexuality shame, & competition with other women.
I believe overcoming these burdens is a huge first step in loving the self more, embodying the self more.
Something that comes to my mind first is, what are your social media feeds showing you? If you are even slightly addicted to Instagram like most people in my generation, then likely you are taking in a lot of other people’s lives. Follow accounts and people that are inspiring you and putting out a message that catalyze a change in our oppressed systems. Follow what challenges norms of self judgment and comparison. Find education rather than manipulation in your feeds.
My 2nd thought of advice: Take a break from social media.
Spend time in nature. The best drug I’ve ever taken is a big fat hit of Mumma Earth. Engaging with the elements, making contact with the creatures of the natural world. They sure as hell aren’t judging you, or care about the winter weight you put on, or that you haven’t washed your hair in a week.
Create a loving non-judgmental environment for yourself. Surround yourself with others who have the same focus.
I think the biggest act of self care I have ever gifted myself was to cut out toxic relationships in my life. To get clear as crystal on my boundaries-and express them. Speak my truth. And do so without shame. To acknowledge that I am not responsible for anyone else’s emotions and remembering that if I am responsible and real with my own actions and energy, then I am in integrity.
There is a lot I could say on this topic… which reminds me that I actually wrote a Self Care eBook that I have yet to publish- so this seems like the perfect launch pad. It is a 30+ page eBook with self care practices, education & resources.
I am feeling grateful in this moment because I wrote it last winter and when depression got the better of me, I failed to publish it or offer it to my followers and community. Right now this feels like a moment of mental self care! Circling back around to a place within myself that has done so much work over the past several months to tend to my mental self care- to be able to extend some of my wisdom and resources with those who could benefit from it. I’m offering the eBook for $11, which gives you full access to the download-able file forever. If you have a desire for the Radical Wellness eBook, shoot me an email.
Some self inquiry I will leave you with….
What makes you feel good? What do you see as beautiful? How might adorning yourself or taking care of yourself provide a sense of liberation? For you and those around you?
Lastly, I want to acknowledge self care & self love as a privilege. It’s a blessing that balance, healthy lifestyles, and stress management are becoming common imperatives, rather than selfish, unnecessary, or unproductive acts. But, does everyone have equal access to the practices of self-care? Are we defining self-care as inclusive of all people-- to those with diverse backgrounds, experiences, and identities?
A concern with the “self-care/self-love” trend is that is it targeted towards a racialized and (cis)gendered middle class value system that displays luxury with assumed privileges.
This is why it is important to remind ourselves and others that self care is simply an act, a gift to ourselves that provides healthy nourishment mentally, physically, emotionally & spiritually.
*Inspired by an article writte by rex Leonowicz on self care & intersectionality*
Take care babes